There’s something that I keep, something I still continue to hold onto till this very day. I take a stroll through memory lane and relive the moments of my life from years back. I stop at each second to think about how foolish I was. Lost, confused, but at the same time in love.

I was in love with a girl who made me her everything. Who treated me with respect, honesty, and kindness. I’ll spare you the details, but needless to say, I wish things had been different. Yet, in another sense not, only because I wouldn’t have learned all that I did.

With a face full of tears comes a heartbreaking realization. I was such an idiot. I’ve always known I was stupid, but looking back at what I never let go of… it kills me inside. It greets me with a rude awakening of what I was so stupid to detach myself from.

I don’t regret what we shared. Not for a second. I find myself thinking about you sometimes, and I force myself to stop, because I know you’ve probably dismissed me from your thoughts altogether. But I still think of you. Just wanting to talk to you. A simple hello. Anything.

I never told you for the sake that I’d make myself look like more of an idiot… but since that day about what will soon be three months ago, it has bothered me. You always had a reason for your decisions. I try with all my might to convince myself that there was a reason you left me at a standstill. I know you’re not a vengeful person, but at times I can’t help but feel that you were giving me a taste of my own medicine. I don’t argue that I didn’t deserve it. I did.

I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t even know why I bother to write about a person who chose to remove her existence from my life.

You knew me best. You always knew me best, and I take that past tense seriously. We haven’t talked for a while and of course there are things about me that likely haven’t changed, but there are things that have, and I would like to think it was for the better. But you wouldn’t know the me now in my entirety because we haven’t talked. Sometimes, or rather all the time, I pray that one day you’ll forgive the mistakes of my past and break the silence you so forcefully instilled between us for months now. That’s all I can ever do is pray. And not once do I fail to keep you in my prayers because you’re always there. You will always be in my prayers. Even when I am absent from your heart.

Sincerely with Love,
An Old Friend

To an old friend,

I pray for you to be as happy as you allow yourself to be. I hope we talk again someday. Wherever you are, just know that you have my best wishes. It gets harder and harder for me to swallow the fact that you choose not to be around anymore… but I still get through my days. I still manage to keep myself in check. I can’t say I don’t miss you. If I did, I’d be lying.

I miss you. Thank you for teaching me the discipline it takes to stand on my own alone…

Sincerely,
An old friend.

I will make this summer something to remember. A summer full of determination, goals, and hard work.

That’s the hard part. I can’t make you talk to me. I can’t get you to see how I’ve changed over the years, how I’ve grown, and all I’ve learned. I genuinely miss your friendship, but I guess I’ll leave that in God’s hands. Will it be like this for the rest of our lives? Never speaking a word to another again? It scares me to think that.

I don’t understand how I’ve built up such a high capacity to care over the years. To reach and reach even when I’m given no reason to keep trying.

Being in a relationship means knowing three things:

1. Your worth.
If you know this, then you know what you deserve, and that doesn’t include a load of bull. Everyone deserves someone who has nothing but the sincerest intentions, most genuine heart, and the utmost respect a person could ever offer.

2. Your priorities.
You want to make something of yourself. Your significant other won’t do that for you no matter how much they can make you happy. Do the things you need to do for yourself. Build up your accomplishments and don’t stop.

3. How to balance those priorities.
Know what comes first, second, third, and last. Whatever you believe, I would hope the significant other falls last. Otherwise, you may wanna rethink about what matters most in your life. Your significant other may be your partner, but they’re not you. You play a part in each other’s life, but there’s no way you both could ever share the same role. The fact that you’re a couple doesn’t mean that the individuals cancel out.

(Source: legitshit808, via dustinxtyler)

Person A: I’ve gotten a lot better at not caring because sometimes it just takes too much effort to care when you’re the only one.

Person B: Yeah, but like I said, I lack consistency. I can make myself not care but once in a while, my human side kicks in, and I care again.

I have my nights when I get to be as human as I want. Lost in my own thoughts.

dustinxtyler:

I give props to the people who have ever put up with me, still deal with me, and for those who will eventually have me a part of their lives to experience a handful of my bipolar personalities. I don’t really care about the side comments I hear from people I’m not really close to because it just doesn’t matter. But if you’re close to me, or what I assume we would be, I would expect better judgment from you to be a little more understanding than an asshole. At this point in my life, I know my own faults. I know the bad things I’ve done in my past - the bad, the easy, the regretful events, the mistakes. And with that being said, I know I’ve ruined my reputation a long time ago. But it’s not about my past, it’s about the person I am now. Oh wait, I forgot you have eyes and clearly what you see is how you’re going to judge me of my character. Gotcha.

dannyhiga:

The more shit you go through, the more likely you will mature. It’s the experience that has built character within yourself. All the processes of trial and errors that has hurt you taught you something. Even if it didn’t go or end the way you wanted it to, it left you with knowledge; a conclusion. It leaves you a little more wise than you were one broken heart ago. And as you rebuild yourself, you grow a little bigger and a little stronger. When you mature you don’t learn to care less, you just learn to care accordingly. 

There are just some memories that stick to us. No matter what we do to rid of what was so firmly implanted in our minds, there are things we can never truly forget. We have been taught to Forgive and Forget throughout the course of our lives. While we understand how to forgive, we can’t erase the still frames people left us with. Try to forget, and you’ll only remember more. People leave pieces around all the time. With every good-bye, you leave a piece of yourself with someone… perhaps someone who is already in pieces to begin with. So why add to the pile? It’s more than just saying it’s because we’re human. That’s obvious. But I guess we all add to people’s load because it’s inevitable… things change, and time justifies that notion. People always say, “Get over it.” They make as if forgetting is as easy as erasing an answer to a math problem and trying again. It’s not. No matter how much time we’re allotted, our memories are drawn in sharpies. They’re permanent. They weren’t dreams. They were real. And to be told to rid of them overnight is impossible. There is no logic to Forgive and Forget. Because a person always has the ability for forgiveness. Forgetting, on the other hand…

“Some people are only meant to be kept in our hearts, even if they can’t stay in our lives.”

The pain of every yesterday that is trying its best to weigh my present down. Nowadays, I’m not as close as I was to a lot of people, and I don’t have a problem with that. People change over time and people don’t. Whether for better or worse, I’ve learned to find ways to just keep moving forward. This lack of confidence and self-worth have been getting to me, but I refuse to let it consume me enough to the point where I lose sight of the light. There are some things that are simply out of my hands. Day by day, I’m still learning how to deal with that. To handle myself the way I should and at least be proud of the important things I have managed to accomplish, learn, and understand throughout my life so far.